Wrong Recipes? Cook Right!

by Fra. Cwa scribe bio

Published by NuScribes (nuscribes.com) on Mon 04 Sep, 2017 |

Book Cover Art

This book's meant to be a collection of recipes I've merely improvised, regardless of whether they turned out to be delicious, nutritious or not... These are my experiments in the art of cooking ;-)

Who knows, maybe one or more recipes in here will inspire you to remix one of the dishes here, and make me some delightful gastronomic madness next time I dine at yours! There's always 9 ways to cook a cat during one lifetime, right?

The C-enhanced Energy-Boosted Coffee Drink (Alchemist's Coffee)

Sometimes, you just want to drink like gods! That means, you feel so low, that all that could definitely help is a drink that can take you to greater heights. Now, beer, vodka, wine and all such variants are genuine "made" drinks, but they mostly can take you lower. Coffee, one of those blessed seeds of the earth, does possess a reknown tendency to embitter the drinker, and moments later, as though some sort of time bomb, shoot them about, not particularly to higher places, but all over the place - like some crazed, unguided rocket engine would. So, those who master their art of guiding the coffee beans, can definitely transform the coffee ride into a voyage into very specific, desirable destinations. But coffee can take you so far - for the most part, it's but a catalyst, all the energy for the engines must come from somewhere though.

Now, glucose is the super chemical of nature. It is the sole chap that comes to the party with a guinuine excess of cash - enough, and the kind that can be easily exchanged for virtually any other currency; everything from sluggish snails to humming birds and rabid dogs or mulnourished professors can use a good amount of the noble sugars (beware though, there are bacteria that would never trade in anything but electricity!) In humans, the compound plays a key role in all metabolic reactions of the physical body - providing the energy essential in making most of these chemical operations possible. Glucose can be considered the source of the "vitality" or "vital potential" that the body can then act upon.

Speaking of vital things, there's one other stuff that we could introduce into this discussion - the herb. Well, you see, food, as with all other things we interact with in this quantum universe, is but information. It's information of a kind that ennobles and  enables the body to keep its health, grow and execute its service to our higher beings. But, often, mere food can't really aid the body in fully exploiting the potential trapped in food - until some sort of mystical bridge-maker is introduced in the diet. The herb, vitamin C, is one of those, that we can specifically apply for this purpose. It's for this reason, that I have come up with this special recipe today - the C-enhanced energy-boosted coffee drink.

First, the recipe:


Ingredients:

  1. You normal dose of the herb, Vitamin C - epic doses can easily start with just 1 twig.
  2. A reasonable dose of the substance known as Coffee (the more it's pulverized, the better IMO)
  3. 2 table-spoonfuls of pure glucose.
  4. 1 or more table-spoonfuls of common sugar to taste.
  5. Hot water (for brewing)
  6. Optionally, Cold water (for normalizing the temperature)

 

Directions:

  1. Boil the water (ensure to have some cold, but boiled water aside if u cherish normalized thermal drinks)
  2. Meanwhile, mix the herb, the glucose and coffee in a cup or brewer - mix with passion.
  3. When the water boils, add the hot water to the solid mixture, and then brew the liquid mixture - do it with passion, you are some sort of alchemist!
  4. Finally, add some sugar to taste.
  5. Optionally, add cold water to normalize the drink.
  6. Go, drink like a god.

Here's what the recipe might look like (under lowly settings):

The hard mixture:

The soft mixture (final brew):


 

What can you do with this brew?

  • One rule of thumb: C always does its thing. Beware of the dose.
  • Unleash the dragons... (and if you are lucky, unicorns as well)
  • You will possess much energy, that's a given. What you do with it? Well, go figure...

 

Brew and live long.


Good Points

  • On good days like today, you can end up with works such as this.
  • Or you could end up such blissful moments.

Bad Points

  • On bad days, you need to remember here.

UnOrthodox Fruit Fete

You are in a foreign land, you have little money at hand, have mostly eaten injara and junk food for the week (mostly for lack of options and a need to adapt to the new diet). But then, while walking home that evening realize, "Oh! But I can improvise, isn't that what we do? Innovate the next meal..."

Tada! The nearest fresh-fruit shop had a limited range of things to pick from, but also at unmodest prices, and so I envisioned a meal where there's a clean balance of every essential nutrient for nothing more than $1 - yes, with only $1 (or slightly more, maybe $2?), you can enjoy the following unorthodox food delight (please do try it at home).

Okay, so we need minerals, vitamins, some sugars, some protein, some fiber, and carbohydrates - isn't that fair? Okay, let's see what you'll need:


Ingredients

  1. 1 Carrot
  2. 2 Ripe Bananas
  3. 1/2 Beetroot
  4. 2 Eggs
  5. 1 Tomato
  6. 2 Buns
  7. Salt
  8. A little water
  9. (optionally) some pepper/onions/spices for the eggs...

Recipe

  1. Wash everything besides the egg (and possibly the bananas), and set them aside.
  2. Get a clean plate or some desired container to be used for serving
  3. Start by peeling the beetroot and then cut, slice or grate it into small pieces or strips to your liking - onto the plate.
  4. Next, do the same for the carrot (I personally never peel the carrots).
  5. Next slice the tomato onto small cubes and add it to the other vegetables.
  6. You might want to add a bit of salt to the vegetables at this moment, and then mix them with a spoon (or whatever).
    1. It all looks attractive and delicious already? If it does, you have an eye for good food, otherwise you need to get initiated :-)
  7. Next, you need to work on the eggs:
    1. Get some other container - ideally, a bowl
    2. Break the shell of the egg - this takes some skill
      1. Do the same of the other egg :-)
    3. Pour the egg into the container - don't waste any of it!
    4. Next, you might want to add whatever spices you have prepared for the eggs - I only had salt and pepper at hand, but you might want to add chopped onions, and whatever else... there are no hard rules chief!
    5. Beat or mix the eggs 
    6. Place a pan (or whatever you can use to typically fry an egg with) on the heat. The temperature? Enough to boil water...
    7. Pour just enough water into the pan - the trick is to imagine how much oil you'd have used if you were to fry the eggs, now, just do twice that volume of water. Simpler: look at the volume of the eggs in the bowl, and just do twice that volume of water in the pan.
    8. Leave the water to heat till it starts to boil in the pan.
    9. When the water boils, get the beaten eggs and pour them into the water in whatever style you fancy (there, you had your moment to be creative and original!)
    10. Gently, stir the eggs around, taking care to ensure they don't burn/char and don't really stick to the bottom of the pan that much. You can keep it in large pieces or scramble them!
    11. When you deem it ready - typically, you'll realize you can eat the egg the way it is, then you know it's ready to get off the heat - don't blame me for any mistakes at this step lol.
    12. Remove the pan from the heat, we are ready to do something funky with the eggs...
  8. Add the eggs to the plate, besides the rest of the amazing food already there.
  9. Now, the sweet bit: peel each of the bananas, and slice it onto the plate in some artistic manner - let your spirit guide you.
  10. To top it all, get your fancy little buns (or slices of bread), and add them besides the rest of the stuff.
  11. Hey! We are done!
  12. Go play some sweet music, probably get a wine (or just a glass of water), and enjoy the delights that the "system" wishes to deny you!
    1. Don't forget to chew the bread together with everything else, then try the vegetables alone, then with the banana, then with egg and then... be creative as you eat as well!

 

So, how does it look like after all this? YMMV


The Good Points:

  1. It's damn damn cheap - unless you are not in a developing country (sic).
  2. It's damn damn healtyh!
    1. Your eyes, and nose will tell you this before you even taste a thing from this dish, then the tongue will confirm what they just reported, and then your body will rejoice and the spirit will be filled with light for the rest of the day...
  3. Well, isn't it really simple to prepare? Revisit the recipe to be convinced...
  4. It's, well... unorthodox - make sure the Police don't see you cook this one ;-)
  5. There's no need for oil (and even salt for some people) - read that again please!

 

The Bad Points:

  1. It's not purely vegetarian - but, is it wise to be purely vegetarian?
  2. Getting the essential balance of nutrients and tastes might not be easy if you can't get all the vegetables mentioned.
  3. It's difficult to stop enjoying this dish. Seriously...

 


The True OT Burger!

Although it might seem like a recipe from the Old Testament, this voyage we are about to embark on is actually, truly fresh and with the proper mindset, will take you from nothing to a satisfied, happy soul! Okay, enough with the theology of this meal, let's get down to food itself...
 
Now, this could be a meal or a mere snack - depends which part of the world you're at. But essentially, the meal is ideal for those wanting to do their own thing (yes, master-builders anyone?), don't want to feed the system (or just can't), and want to stay healthy while having all the trappings of a good meal (on an unbelievably low budget <- read that twice). The basic ingredients will illustrate all these points pretty soon.
 

 

Ingredients
 
  1. 1/4 of a Carrot
  2. 1/2 a medium sized Onion (or 1 whole onion if it's "small")
  3. 1/4 of Beetroot
  4. 1 Salty bun (or 2 slices of salty bread)
 
No, we don't need any spices, no salt, no sugar, no oil, and no fire or heat! Wow!
 

 

Jim: These chefs really know how to survive a nuclear war aftermath...

John: But maybe not the zombie apocalypse.

Jim: There's no meat or blood in their recipes!
 
John: Damn! Them's a shaman I believe.
 

 

Instructions
 
  1. Chop the bun into two (or open apart the slices of bread)
  2. Grate, Slice or Chop the vegetables you have - onion, carrot, beetroot, and throw these in-between the slices of bread you have.
  3. Cover the other slice on-top of the one with the vegetables
  4. That's it!
 
Extras
 
  • Well, that might seem too extreme or too minimal, but there's other things you could do to deviate from the true path (I know, I know...)
    • Add more vegetables at hand - tomatoes can be really nice
    • Throw in some spices - chili pepper?
    • Add nuts - peanuts might be great, but if you happen to be close to a desert like I am, throwing in some dates might also work - note, the beetroot and carrot is already sweet, so we might want to balance that with some other tastes instead.
  • Get your favorite drink to accompany the meal - I only had two options at hand; coffee and beer, and I'll show you both.
  • Call your friends, ask them to get converted.
 

So, how did mine look?

The Hot OT BurgerThe Cold OT Burger

 

 

The Good Points:
 
  1. As always, our recipes are very very friendly on the wallet, this one is the most friendly thus far.
  2. It's healthy, very healthy - as always still.
  3. It's quick to make, you get it.
  4. It takes amazing - and not just when you get used to it or when you are broke - it always tastes great!
    1. Beware of the bread though, it could mean the difference between great and wait.
  5. It's a good replacement for fancy, bullshit fast-food.
  6. When you master this recipe, not only is it HOT, but truly OT!
    1. There's a generous, amazing balance of BeetroOT and CarrOT <- oh, Bugs Bunny would love this meal!
 
The Bad Points:
 
  1. If you only have one bun (or just 2 slices of bread), you'll feel devastated once you've finished clearing the meal.
    1. Lesson: always keep some extra bread nearby... or learn that secret forbidden wisdom by which Jesus and the more ancient jews used to multiply bread - yes, didn't someone say wizards know how to cook?
  2. It's purely vegetarian - no that's a joke, eating this stuff will make you gain more meat (and less fat), than the traditional burgers.
  3. You might get arrested for finally finding the perfect weapon to destroy the system!
    1. Don't mention OT in the restaurant, BurgerKing and MacDonalds have such long ears...

Frair's Soup

It's Friday night, the weather is uncomfortably cold and it's just the prefect time to venture into less known realms of the kitchen arts! Tonight,  having spent a good two weeks without tasting a truly wet meal,  I decided to experiment with soup :-)

 

So yeah, its not just a super Friday,  but we'll see how to do this Friar's Soup! Okay,  enough introductions,  let's jump straight onto the chopping boards....

 

 

Ingredients

  1. 2-4 Fresh Irish potatoes
  2. 1 onion
  3. 1 tomato
  4. 1/2 Carrot
  5. 1/4 beetroot (yeah,  I still had some,  decided I'd better add it in as well - remember,  food wizards don't waste any ingredient at hand!)
  6. 1 egg
  7. Salt and other spices to taste

 


 

Instructions
  1. Without peeling them, wash the Irish potatoes clean, and then set them aside.
  2. Get a knife and chopping board if you have one,  and dissect the potatoes into slices no more than 3-4 centimeters wide. (So they can later cook fast,  but also retain a bit of their structure and texture).
  3. Put the chopped potatoes into a pan and add water to the contents til it covers them by no more than once their height in the pan. (We don't want them to get soggy,  and yet don't wish to pour away any of the soup later).
  4. Place the pan upon heat, and leave it to boil. (You might want to cover the pan so as to save time and energy).
  5. As the potatoes boil,  get the vegetables and chop then all up nicely and in shapes and sizes that will appease you. Typically, this should be your favorite part of the ritual, as you have your chance to make your own rules and wreck havoc in the kitchen!
    1. There's only one thing I would recommend concerning your massacres of the vegs; try to keep the tomatoes to a reasonably large size, as it's probably better if you can still chew on them individually in your soup. Make them too small, and they'll be mashed up in the soup - though,  for real maniacs, it's possible to add them to the soup last, and maybe not even boil them! Again, follow your heart.
  6. Occasionally check on the potatoes to make sure they are just about to get ready. Once this happens, take all the chopped vegetables and throw them into the pan together with the boiling potatoes. Mix them by stirring,  then probably add some more water if see it necessary (ensure nothing sticks to the bottom of pan - so you might add some water and also reduce the heat).
  7. Take the egg, free it from its shell,  and let's introduce the chicken-egg problem to our dish, by adding the egg to the vegetables as well.
  8. Optionally,  add in any spices your might have and want in your soup.
  9. Here comes the wizard part: get your awesome stirring tool and mix and stir the amazing mixture, taking care not to mash things too much, as you sing to your favorite bad song. It's a merry time to be alive...
  10. After a few minutes  (probably no more than 10), get the formula off the heat and let's get ready to party!


You can accompany this soup dish with any of your favorite or available breads. No,  it don't matter if it's salty bread or not - I did mine with sweet buns,  and they treated really remarkable in contrast to the salty soup.

 

 

Okay,  let's see how my process looked like. .. YMMV

Frair's Soup - the vegetables

Frair's Soup - the mixture

Frair's Soup - the meal


 

The Good Points:

  1. It really is satisfying the correct sense of the word.
  2. It's a good way to utilize excess bread you might have lying around.
  3. Oh, it's definitely nutrious!

 

The Bad Points:

  1. Outside of cooking it, it's not really funky while eating it - no wonder, most friars are sad people.
  2. It takes a bit of time and requires attention to get right, and so if you're not into giving time to your cooking, this dish might go wrong on you.

 


The Baabadook

It's a dark, but super Friday, and that smells of meats, lots of veggies and well bread!!! Yey, it's that time again, time to create yet another one of our funky dishes, right? Today's been the most generous dishes thus far - we'll be trying lots of new stuff and will not be afraid to go a bit anti-halal, yeah the dish's got pork in it brothers, if that's not okay, please kindly move on to teh next dish.
 
Okay, let's see what we'll need tonight:
 
Ingredients
 
  1. 2 Pork sausages (I used frankfurters)
  2. 2-3 fish fillets
  3. 1 tomato
  4. 1 Onion
  5. 1/2 Beetroot 
  6. 1/4 Carrot
  7. 2 Eggs
  8. Some spices
  9. Vegetable Cooking Oil
  10. Bread - 1 bun can do.
 
 

 
Oh getting this one ready is really easy Mr. Weezy Busy... let's see how.
 
Instructions
 
  1. Unpack and defrost the fish and sausages if they were frozen - ideally, they'll be. You can easily do this by soaking them in water for a while.
  2. Meanwhile, chop the onion into generous strips, next do the tomato, grate the carrot and the beetroot. Set these aside.
  3. In a bowl, free the eggs - yes, that means breaking em out of their shells.
  4. Throw a bit of the onions and carrots into the eggs
  5. Add some spices to the eggs, and add salt as well - be careful with the salt though.
  6. Beat the eggs - wow, we all love beating the eggs, right?
  7. Okay, put a pan on the heat and add some little oil to it - no more than enough to just wet the undersides of the fillets and sausages later.
  8. Meanwhile, make crumbs of the bread - you can do this with bare hands or use a machine.
  9. Once the oil is ready, then proceed to add the stuff to it as such:
    1. Get a fillet, drain it of water.
    2. Dress it with the mixture of the eggs on all sides
    3. The quickly transfer it to the plate with the bread crumbs and dress it with em on all sides as well.
    4. Then take the dressed fillet and drop it into the hot pan.
    5. Proceed to do the same with all the other fillets and then the sausages.
    6. No, don't cook one at a time, but all of them at the same time!
  10. No more than 5-10 minutes, and you should pick out the fillets and sausages, and neatly place them on a plate.
  11. Remove the oil from the heat for a while.
  12. Take a little of the oil, probably using another pan, and put it back to the heat.
  13. Next, get the eggs and remaining breadcrumbs and mix them - yey!
  14. Okay, before the oil riots, get the egged-crumbs and pour these into the pan, ensuring to keep the stuff in one pan-like togetherness.
  15. Turn it side to side a couple times - about 2 minutes?
  16. Take this egg-crumbs pan and place it neatly on the plate next to the fillets and sausages.
  17. Okay, heat goes off now.
  18. Take the vegetables, and neatly dress the plate with the rest of the food with it.
    1. You might want to add a little salt to the veggies before adding them to the plate?
  19. Go, sit at your favorite table, throw on some funky music, probably pour yourself a generous glass of wine and then celebrate the gift of life before the Baabadook comes to ruin things man!
 
Wow! That's a lot of steps? Yeah, we were getting ready for the Baabadook...
 

 
The Good Points
 
  1. It's filling man! I doubt you'll eat of all of that in one sitting...
  2. It's, sensual? Yeah, must be the fish+pork+veggies remix.
  3. It looks great.
  4. Oh, it's Friday? It's good if you plan on watching a movie later on.
  5. It's kinda healthy... if you've not done meats in a while.
 
The Bad Points
 
  1. The name's creepy
  2. Oh, it can get a little too oily if you don't beef your oil estimation skills
  3. The egg-crumb thing? You really don't have to eat that one as well... I failed to finish that one.

 


 

Fine good people. That was tha Baabadook... Oh, I must show you how mine looked like, right? Here we go...
 

The Pi Lane Waltz

Today's dish is totally off the streets! I means like you just need to walk around the corner to grab all the active ingredients, and it's so rocky and tasty and oh my God! !!! (Dies and eats a piece in the afterlife. .. is sent back to the damn rock to testify about it)
 

Let's get started...


 
Here's what you'll need. ..
  1. Hot Pizza - yes,  either toys or you step aside. Grab 3 slices of your favorite topping. Freedom to the people, right?
  2. 1 fresh apple
  3. 1 fresh tomato
  4. 1/2 large onion
  5. Secret herb

(Optionally) best served with semi-sweet wine.
 
(Optionally) if your pizza dudes were creative as mine, they will probably give you a pounch of hot hot Pizza sauce. We'll use it wisely soon...
 
We might also need some salt, just in case.
 

 
Instructions:
  1. Get the slices of Pizza and warm them if they aren't already hot
  2. In a bowl,  neatly chop and mix the following :
    1. The tomato
    2. The onion
    3. The apple
    4. The pizza sauce if any (as in Ethiopia, right?)
  3. We are done. Really? Except for presentation!
  4. Okay, place the pizza pieces on the plate.
  5. Besides them, creatively throw the mixed fresh stuff.
  6. Last and importantly, sprinkle the remaining ingredient.

You're a fucking rocky chef man!!
 
Yeah, and as you eat this, play nothing that's no filled with life. .. coz we going to the world of delightful tastes, soon as we take the first bite of that wowful meal.
 
Damn!!!

How did mine look?

Happy Saturday journeying... don't forget to invite your friends, even if it means dragging em outa your dreams :)

Guys, I'm off to eat or be eaten. Till next time... keep your creativity sizzling.

Because the sauce was so hot,  the mixture of apple sweetness, mixed delicately with the salty hot tomatoes and onions,  when coupled with the juicy bread, left an imprint in my mouth that seemed to last the whole night! Wow thanks be to God folks!


Here's a variant of this dish that just has a different set of ingredients in the salad part:

  • Soy Sauce
  • Hot chilli sauce
  • Tomato sauce
  • Salt
  • Onion
  • Apple
  • Tomato

And here's how it comes out...

Very very yummy trust me!

 


The Chief's Ebube!

This meal is sooo wow wowsome! Damn...

You, know, writing the recipe after having improvised, cooked and savored this dish, is the best way of doing justice to this one. Relax, if you're hungry and have a means to pick a thing or two from a supermarket or if the fridge is friendly? You're gonna love this one.

We'll call this dish, "The Chief's Ebube" - Ebube is Igbo for "wonderful", now you know!


As with many of our other recipes here, since I come up with these while cooking solo meals, the measures of various ingredients are meant to lead one to a 1 person dish, so multiply as necessary.

Ingredients (required):

  1. Noodles - preferably, those that come pre-packed with spices and a "sauce".
  2. Sausages - you might do pork or beef, I thought beef would be fake, but damn, amazing...
  3. A little cooking oil or butter.
  4. A BIG onion - yes, big is better for onions.
  5. Cauliflower - even one flower is enough.

Extras (Optional):

Having these around, will greatly enhance the meal - it worked for me.

  1. Some extra spices of choice.
  2. Some Salt
  3. Wine or more preferably, a Cream - did add a divine touch to the meal, like mayonaise on salad?
  4. A fresh apple.

So, now that we got our stuff, how do we make the dish? Follow... deviate where you feel like, but follow...

  1. Chop the onion into some big, amazing slices...
  2. Chip the sausages into smaller bits - say like 3 per piece, depending on the length of yours
  3. Chop the cauliflower into generous, but small bits - don't destroy the heads please! And don't waste the stalks - they get ready, tender, have nice texture and are amazing to chew!
  4. Place a little oil or butter in a pan
  5. When it's hot enough, add the onions to it, and stir passionately, to prevent them from burning.
  6. Don't let the onions to brown, unless you like that deviation, otherwise, throw in some of your spices, and stir some more.
  7. Add the sausages, and then a little after, the chopped cauliflower.
  8. Stir everything, and start to add a little water, as you continue to stir the stuff.
  9. Add some salt, some other spices if you will, and then more water - almost, but not entirely covering the mix.
  10. Cover, and let to boil for a while, occassionally checking, and stiring them to avoid anything sticking or burning.
  11. Don't overcook it, the most important bit is to get the sausages ready.
  12. Once the sausages are ready - check with fork, and taste by eating a bit if you will.
  13. Add the noodles!
  14. Add some more water, to let the noodles soak and mix well with the rest of the stuff.
  15. Cover and let boil for a while.
  16. No more than 3 min later, add the noodle sauces and spices, and if necessary, a little bit more water - no don't make a soup of the meal, but don't let the noodles stay dry or stick to the pan.
  17. About 2 min later, remove from heat - we are done!

Now, being the experimental chef that I am, I had this nice apple lying around. I did this - chopped it nicely (don't skin it please), and after adding the amazing dish to the plate, added the chopped apple on-top. The final taste? Hmm God, I was about to melt in my seat, from too much Ebube!

Okay, pour yourself a nice glass of wine or cream - mine was called "BV Land", a Malt Cream, some amazing spanish gig, and oh my, the meal was... let me stop. Go try this at home!


Some pics? Yeah, for sure... forgive the fake WP7 cam though: