Mosquitoes & The Art of the Serial Killer

by Sgt. Fixx, aka. Worshipful Enemy of the Mosquito Race

Published by NuScribes (nuscribes.com) on Wed 14 Sep, 2016 |

Book Cover Art

Let's face it, here's the latest WHO stats on Malaria

About 3.2 billion people – nearly half of the world's population – are at risk of malaria. In 2015, there were roughly 214 million malaria cases and an estimated 438 000 malaria deaths. Increased prevention and control measures have led to a 60% reduction in malaria mortality rates globally since 2000.

When I say let's get serious about killing these bloody bastards, some folks be quacking! And who said all wars have to be fought with mere wrath and a disregard for humor? To those ready for bloody war against these Mosquito races (yes, there's even those who've brought the Zika to us), let's get started...

The Art of the Serial Killer

I still enjoy the old school

Art of Waking Up

In the middle of the night

And Killing those two or twelve annoying mosquitoes

By hand or pillow -

Including those that resorted to intimidating aerial warfare

And the incessant use of pestiferous battle whines.

 

I enjoy jumping close to the ceiling (which delimits how high both our strategies can go)

And smashing them for posterity's sake

Or as a clear indication to their unthinking

Future recruits and progeny;

A tactical, barbaric mosquito serial killer

Lived here, and many of our kin haunt the space on and between these walls.

 

When killing annoying humans isn't possible,

Never hesitate to pulverize each one of those other blood suckers - even

where they carry no apparent biological weapons such as Plasmodium vivax.

Their cynical, instinctive battle cries are enough incentive to warrant killing them all.

And don't forget how many innocent lives are lost to these bloody bitches every day!

 

Oh, when you aren't trying to wage war on a global scale, don't abandon

that noble art of our forefathers, by resorting to mass killing methods such as aerial distribution of bio-weapons!

You will definitely kill them all, and perhaps even quicker, but will also suffer;

Not only will you eat of the same poison, but

Your muscles and mind will wear away from disuse, as the aerobic, mind-stretching art

Of killing by hand, gets replaced by mundane, autonomous killing machines - doesn't matter if they are chemical or not.

 

Why keep this art of war alive?

Because, when the global industrial-military complex comes crushing down,

You will be left with no other means of self-defense except

Close-quarter, tactical killing of enemies by hand.

Those who'd been weaned on killing from behind consoles, will be left entirely vulnerable, and

venom can smell the vulnerable from vast distances!

Beware.

 

In its most rewarding, most sophisticated form,

the killing of mosquitoes adopts a paradigm called "Low-Altitude, Aerial Pathogen Combat".

Here's an excerpt from a real life war report:

Time: 03:45 EAT

Coordinates: I'm in bed, supine, both arms ready for the kill.

Combat Status: There's two armed heat seekers doing reconnaissance flights a few centimeters above my head, but my sonic radar indicates another one is approaching fast, with a bearing approximately 5min southwest.

Command Center: Don't strike the drones just yet, wait for all three to enter the no fly zone, and then attack. Make sure to not let them crash into your ear or nasal canal - it's annoying, and they do it to destabilize you!

 

"But, when I use my hands in war, I end up destroying things I love, and also leave the walls bloody and dirty!"

Well, not all soldiers come equal;

Some soldiers go to the battlefield, and fear planting landmines close to trees.

But others only care about one thing: Killing the enemy - even if that means clearing the landscape!

 

Here's some wisdom I've acquired while at war;

Rule#12: Always keep the innocent out of it, and don't hang useful ceramics or glassware anywhere on the battlefield.

Rule#2: Don't come to any war with your hands and feet alone - that only makes you the machine with rage,

Instead, bring your brain and wits along - that makes you a James Bond, and you might never leave a trace of your lethal obsession anywhere!

Kill with precision, kill with honor.

 

Close-quarter, Tactical, Mosquito Killing

(Even when it involves waiting in cover, under bed sheets - using small orifices for air circulation and as ambush spots for these heat-seeking enemies of mankind)

Is the best, most ethical lethal sport within the tropics.

Get flexing; don't loose your health to mosquitos, instead, use them to stay in good shape!

 

And,

It's a rewarding art to pass on to your kids.

(even your grandma's been to this war before)

 

Rule#30: Fuck poetic values

We are soldiers writing for soldiers.

The Art is in the killing.

 

Oh, and don't you be fooled two ways about it;

Killing Mosquitoes is an artform for which you need no License to Kill, regardless of jurisdiction - and don't let these vampires feed on you, while you sit like sheep, in the pews listening to the lengthy, mythic sermon!

The Nihilist Addendum: And there's this conspiracy theory about making you sleep under mosquito nets - a glorious addition to the sedentary lives you non-soldiers already have been conditioned to adopt! To those in good shape, step out and beyond the barricades, and get some real action! Play some music, and bring some coffee as well.

 

Rule#5: When killing, Don't Panic! If you hit and miss, just recompose yourself and wait to try again.

These minute enemies are that daft - tried to kill one of them 10 times already? No worries, it'll still come back to you later, for an 11th attempt. Also, avoid unnecessary movement while waiting in ambush - ask a veteran for more notes about this.

 

Now go find a mosquito near you, and kill the filthy thing with your bear hands. If it is a bloody kill, you have been baptized in blood. Welcome to our ranks cadre...

And then, checkout this swaggerific bastard...


Cheers to Delhar & Kacey Schwartz for the amazing art.