Social Medias Gone WILD!

by Nemesis Fixx scribe bio

Published by NuScribes (nuscribes.com) on Thu 25 Oct, 2018 |

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This is a collection of micro-tales, viral jokes, overhyped alerts, underrated maxims and other things I've witnessed while giving audience to the friendly, talkative folks on Social Media.

Many times, these messages, which typically are aimed at groups - esp. WhatsApp Groups, contain verbatim instructions for the recipient to forward the message to others! I typically don't find it prudent to obey, and so have chosen to systematically disobey, by instead curating some of these messages here, so in the future, everyone that'd have pointed fingers at me or accused me for not sharing, can instead thank me - yes, am sure many will have deleted these, or long forgotten about them, by the time the next viral distraction comes along!

Alright, friends, brothers, siststers and babysitters, here we go...

DONALD TRUMP'S FULL SPEECH ON WHY HE HATES AFRICANS & ARABS

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We are not obliged,even for a second,   to try to prove to anybody and especially to blacks and Arabs that we are superior people - we have demonstrated that to the black and Arabs in 1001 ways.
 
The America we know today was not created by wishful thinking.We  created it at the expenses of intelligence, sweat and blood.....we do not pretend like other whites that we like the blacks - We must admit,without any fear,that we don't like them,and for so so may many valid reasons.
 
The fact that blacks and Arabs look like human beings does not necessarily make them sensible human beings. Hedgehogs are not porcupines and lizards are not crocodiles because they look alike. if God had wanted us to be equal to blacks and Arabs, he would have created us all of a uniform colour and intellect. But he created us differently.Whites, blacks, yellow, the rulers and the ruled. intellectually we are superior to the blacks and Arabs.That has been proven beyond the reasonable doubt over the years.
 
I believe that a white man is an honest, God fearing person who has demonstrated practically the right way of being a human.By now every one of us has seen it practically that blacks and Arabs cannot rule themselves. Give them guns and they will kill each other.They are good in nothing else but making noise, dancing, marrying many wives, alcoholism, witchcraft, indulging in sex, pretending in church, jealousy, fighting and complaining of nonsense.
 
Their only main concern (which according to me is stupidity of the highest magnitude) is same - sex marriages.They keep pointing fingers to us,we the west,that we have legalised it in our countries,and that we always outspokenly support gay people around the world.And because they always foolishly want to demostrate their ignorance,hatred and fear about the subject,some of them have even enacted harsh laws to codemn their own gay citizens.This shows that beyond illusions and doubt,what people do with their own bodies is Africans main concern.I hear they even strip their women publicly.  
 
Let us all accept the fact that the black man is a symbol of poverty, mental inferiority, laziness and emotional incompetence.To make the matter worse,he can do everything possible to defend his stupidity.Give them money for development and they will fight and create hatred and enmity for themselves.Drill oil wells for them and they will not have peace all the days of their life.See,for instance,what's happening in Nigeria,Southern Sudan,Malawi,DRC just to mention a few. 
this proves to anybody including a stupid fool that Africans do not know what they want. isn't that plausible?
 
Therefore that the white man is created to rule the black man, Africans will always have day dreams.And here is the creature (black man) that lacks foresight but only sees what is near him and still fails to know what to do. A black man is stupid to the extent that he cannot plan for his life beyond a year. Therefore how can they develop and live longer.
 
Corruption in west (And China) is a big abomination but  in africa,it's so huge that it  is slowly becoming an acceptable way of life.They sing and rejoice to their corrupt political leaders.They worship their scandal-ridden religious leaders like their gods.Lest you forget,these so called Africans are praising,dancing and praying for the people that have impoverished them,and who comes to hide their loot here.
 
Then which fool argues that the black man is not born a beggar, grows a beggar, looks a beggar, falls sick as a beggar and dies a beggar. this has been proven beyond reasoning. I wonder why even up to now most Africans still go to school by force and those who are at school are are just drug addicts who don't know what took them there.This is a pregnant stupidity in Africa that needs Jesus's immediate second coming. the body of Africans is a very fertile ground for all diseases in the world because they don't fear even HIV/AIDS. This leaves me with a question:  are our eyes created the same with those Africans,,.? I hear there are still cultures in Africa that prohibit them from using latrines which is very annoying. They cried for independence but have failed to rule themselves. For sure being African is a very untreatable disease that even prayers are not enough. They have minerals but they cannot do anything with it.Therefore let us (whites) go to Africa and pick what we can pick and leave what is of no use.Poverty is a disease to the whites but to the blacks it is very normal. 
 
The worst tragedy in Africa is that if you dare stand up and speak up for what's right,you may end up regretting.The few  wise and open-minded Africans who have tried to educate these fools about civilization have met the worst.They have been pushed hard on the wall, they have been silenced and others have been killed. 
 
Before I finish,let me tell Africans that before you jump and call me a racist,an anti-blacks or whatever term you may wish to use against me,first tackle  runaway corruption,dreadful terrorism,tribalism,poverty,unemployment,  diseases, illiteracy ,ignorance and  inequality that have put your whole continent on the verge of collapse.Hate me or love me I don't care.I know this is the plain truth which will never see the light of the day to the cowards that are afraid to be told as it is. Jesus please hurry and save Africans and Arabs. A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE.
 
By, Donald .J. Trump.
 

Perhaps, one should add a phrase to the title, so as to make it clearer; "... as Conceived from an African's Perspetive on Africans and Arabs."


Some Proverbs of the Banyakitara

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  1. Birija ndigura akajwara na nyina enkande
  2. Aherera ekiswa atukura
  3. Erafa tehuura ngwaara
  4. Akana akatabunga kaikaliza nyina wako niwe
  5. acumba obunura
  6. Mboha nyenka ekamara ebigogo omubitoke
  7. Ebibarora tinibyo bagamba
  8. Ekija omanyire kitwara bike
  9. Kyozaire tonaga
  10. Kawe kawe okuguru kukutweike enku
  11. Kumanyana nkumanya tibaswagirana
  12. Owensoke ibiri takugambira ke okanuga
  13. Agafundikire gatambwa oturo
  14. Akyenda akibona omugara na zara omuli
  15. Barwongorereize…omusezi atembere esukuta
  16. Tinkaroraga esiisa obukuru
  17. Amahano bagakaguza rwagabwoine
  18. Ngaro nsa zisemeza mukamabazo
  19. Bagamba kondi akabu babyamiire
  20. Kakije ndole okihuliira mu mbanda
  21. Katali kale kagiza eisuma
  22. Akagambo ko mukuru mukaro oijugaho no
  23. gayaho
  24. Nyantagambirwa akanierwa omusorooro
  25. Abasaija mahungu bagwa nibaimuka
  26. Ekiraita nyakabwa kigigara enyingo
  27. Mpankuhe nizo engonzi ezitafa
  28. Ekirakulya kija norora
  29. Arakwima akugamba weyolereho
  30. Akaraba katahyo okaroora ha mukonda
  31. gwako
  32. Akucumbira eyo mutwe ocucumbira eyebigere
  33. Ndiire ka maama nibwo obusuma
  34. Owamaani make obulemu abutwara
  35. omubisagazi
  36. Alinda kihweyo acumita omukira
  37. Atega gumu anyaata
  38. Ahanbya ibiri zimuleka
  39. Asweka ibiri taboija
  40. Akwirukya niwe akwolekya omuhanda
  41. Ogumazire kurosa tigwita
  42. Agonza akasera akarungi akegoyera
  43. Arakuha emyongo akubandiza ha bisunsa
  44. Arakuha enkole akubandiza ha mugobe
  45. Bakwimire oroho nti barakwahuura
  46. Enkoko bagijunira nekyapapara
  47. Ekyana kyempunu okiroora ha munwa gwakyo
  48. Ndaijaga noija niryo eirembo eritafa
  49. Arakwiha omuza akumulika obyamire
  50. Atamuzaire niwe agimulenga
  51. Arakuteera takubalira bwanuki
  52. Erateera tejunjura
  53. Entasiima eburwa agiha
  54. Baanobere bagyeha
  55. Ataafe aitirana omukunzi wa nyina
  56. Akaigo atateire mukabaro okanaga haraira
  57. Tindija taburwa ekimuleta
  58. Ekibi tikiburwa muleesi
  59. Embwa yotoroire togikwata mukanwa
  60. Akanaga akacumbire encu tikahwa inunko
  61. Orusenene rwandakibwoine rwikara ha munwa
  62. gwe nsaho
  63. Amahiga gahigikururwa rwagahigikire
  64. Owekisosro kitatwalire nyina aikaliza murakya
  65. turaseera
  66. Akabwa akaigusire okarora ha midaliro yako
  67. Ebiffera munda nibyo bisemesa amalembo
  68. Aranga engoma niwe agyetwika
  69. Akanyonyi kahara kasoma nikarora ha bwire
  70. Butota bateiremu omwiko
  71. Arakubinga ha njubo akutera oburogo
  72. Amagezi muro bagaihanganaho
  73. Banobere nyojo ngu iwe omwana ijaga nolya
  74. Tindya bamuroora hamubirigwe
  75. Bacwezi njuna nagawe oteireho
  76. .Basaija mahungu bagwa nibaimuka
  77. Aralya akomukuru amuberebenja
  78. Hakyoto kyabakuru
  79. Agateraine nigo gata eigufa
  80. Araire kubi bamurora ha mazinduka
  81. Agabira abarongo abaingaingiza
  82. Ataha ekibira tatiina bikukonoga
  83. Byerera abataina maino
  84. Ayanga kugwa bamuniga bwemi
  85. Eranena teboikora
  86. Ekitonge kikoto kimara enjara baitu kireka
  87. ekihemu
  88. Ekyotakaliire nozina kudiikire
  89. Owomutwe mubi tahingurwa nkonyogo
  90. Abagenda babiri baijukyangana
  91. Eminwa ogitwara namberi baraginywegera
  92. asera obuhuta anywegera oruhazi
  93. Konodura nkomugara ayereze emyongo
  94. Amara kulya ngu owaitu banyeta
  95. Nali wawe akwita
  96. Kabinegene buli bina kisagurwa
  97. Ndakugabiraki? Aba akwimire orubazo
  98. Amaizi tigebwa mwabugo mbeho
  99. Ekikere tikirimanya omugaso gwa amaiza
  100. kuhikya bugoma
  101. Ekiso Kyembuzi kireka omwisi kitunulira
  102. omubagi
  103. Oweibango bwotamuhemukira towesweka
  104. Tosaraga ogwa nyakaisiki otakahulire ogwa
  105. nyakoojo
  106. Oli kaburabuzo nkensambu ye bicoli
  107. Bainganaingana bituuro
  108. Mpora mpora ekahikya omuniongoro ha iziba
  109. Konokangaza nkentama ye kyara kimu
  110. .Enduuru yokulya batera ntaito
  111. Kawamalizamu nkogwekyanda
  112. Bugu bugu tiguba muliro
  113. Omwigo gwa hara tigujuna njoka
  114. Owebiniga aite ebye
  115. Arakwiha emiza akuramukya nolya
  116. Owebiniga aite ebye
  117. Akakira kembuzi keyera ebyamire
  118. Akabwa akadoma kaboigolera enjojo
  119. .Omukaikuru bwabura nibwo empisi enia
  120. enzu
  121. .Yakusanga nogania gaikalemu
  122. .Bansweke ntagate buli akabyeguura
  123. .Komba teingana tegura
  124. .Okuhabuza ekyanunka kandi munyanyoro
  125. asitamire
  126. Nkakabwa tayebwa misitamiro ya nyina
  127. Kyanika nsimbi kizara mporaho
  128. Ataroho taterwa muti
  129. Ekitaroho tikiriza mwana
  130. Ekirakuhemura okijalirana
  131. Tibulikimasamasa ngu eba feeza
  132. Esojo ecumita nelyalinto bwekura esakara
  133. enju
  134. Omwigo gurwanirwa nkagutema hatali
  135. nkagukoma
  136. Abaingi banobwa atubire
  137. Nalima harungi ainuka
  138. Nazina kurungi aruga omwidiro
  139. Ekigwo ekirakwima enseko kigwiba
  140. nyokozara
  141. Orutakule rumera ebipapa
  142. Omukubi oguralya akaro oguroraho
  143. Hali nyineka atali ebikere bitemba enju
  144. Ebyangire eka omuleju gukamera ha kidokoli
  145. Erabura ezara abaisiki
  146. Atafune asubura amahuli nensoha
  147. Oli kalemeso nkomwana aiba nyina
  148. Akaikalirize kendesa muko mutahi
  149. Oli kaburabuso komukazi ahoga nanyara
  150. Akati bakagema mamera obukakura
  151. kahendeka
  152. Atakuboine obusigazi agamba okwegambisa
  153. Arwehaire asendekereza abatimizi
  154. Konowehungulia nkomukazi womuleju
  155. Abaragaine tibetana
  156. Ruswa parra!! Ngu bunyata orame
  157. Bagonza enku banobere omusenyi wazo
  158. Ekyozaire tonaga
  159. Bakweta kulya ngu balikanyihaho
  160. Ikara aho ekuhebwa nyineka
  161. Ndimuka ekaikaliza nyineka omubisodo
  162. Kasenyanku kagenda nebyako
  163. Omomuka tagwa nsimbu
  164. Omwami make tagwa iraru
  165. Balimpolera obwo ofwire
  166. Ebigere bikera omutima hagurarire
  167. Tintina kunai nkarumwenjara
  168. Atakwatulire tolimanya kimuruma
  169. Nkwikazire enaku nikwo mbyama
  170. Akara akahoire omunio haihayo amazi
  171. Enjojo teremwa masanga gaayo
  172. Abanyineka batongana bairaba
  173. Ndihurra bakamucumbira omuki cooli
  174. Tihaba mwika ahatlai muro
  175. Omugisa gwe ndahi tigurabya njukumba
  176. murukaraiga
  177. Konosalimba nkempunu neraba mu pamba
  178. Akweteireho niew obawe
  179. Owahaire ha siba nenumi asangaho enyana
  180. Owaruhanga ahaire nenumi ekamwa
  181. Tingya habugenyi aba ataine kyokujwara
  182. Ekyoyenda kikuseeza
  183. Aharana abe agaigahaza abafumu
  184. Aboruganda bita tibyatangana
  185. Abatahi abatamizi abaihamu entigiro
  186. Bakincwire oba okinagireho
  187. Aramura abatimizi aseera mbale
  188. Karumura abatamizi obaihamu entigiro
  189. Otagicumba otagyokya baitu nsange ehiire
  190. Orugambo mpirima rusra embaju ibiri
  191. Ebibanagaija babijuka enjara egwire
  192. Naculeera acura nyina
  193. Agonza nyakabu tagabuka nawe
  194. Barucwera igete rwita aguruka
  195. Ataina banio tanabira haiziba
  196. Abasaija mitoma ehararuka egaruka.

 


Note: As you might be aware, social media isn't the best place to source for authoritative or high-quality content, not even proverbs that is. But, despite grammatical errors (to be corrected with help from an authority on the language), this was indeed a beautiful resource for those interested in this endangered language.


We, Da Nu KIDZ!!

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Today's kids are so spoilt that they don't know that in our days, you could be beaten for any of the following reasons:
 
  1. Crying after being beaten.
  2. Not crying after being beaten 
  3. Crying without being beaten 
  4. Standing while the elders are seated
  5. Sitting while the elders stand
  6. Walking around aimlessly where the elders are seated. 
  7. Replying back to an elder
  8. Not replying back to an elder 
  9. Spending too much time without being beaten.
  10. Singing after being admonished
  11. Not greeting visitors 
  12. Eating food prepared for the visitors.
  13. Crying to go with the visitors when the visitors are leaving.
  14. Refusing to eat.
  15. Coming back home after sunset 
  16. Eating at the neighbour's home
  17. Generally being moody.
  18. Generally being too excited. 
  19. Fighting with your age mate and losing.
  20. Fighting with your age mate and winning.
  21. Eating too slowly 
  22. Eating too quickly 
  23. Eating too much
  24. Sleeping while the elders had already woken up
  25. Looking at the visitors while they are eating
  26. Stumbling and falling when walking... ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

And often, for combinations of these as well!


Life's Chicky!

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When salary comes in time, you eat chicken ๐Ÿ—.
The following day as salary reduces you eat products of Chicken (Eggs)
The following day when salary has reduced you eat chicken's food, (maize and  millet)
The following day when salary is over you become chicken itself,spending your time walking around just looking for what to eat......

The So-Called POWER OF MONEY

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By Adam Khoo ( Singapore 's youngest millionaire at 26 yrs.)
 
Some of you may already know that I travel around the region pretty frequently, having to visit and conduct seminars at my offices in Malaysia , Indonesia , Thailand and Suzhou ( China ) . I am in the airport almost every other week so I get to bump into many people who have attended my seminars or have read my books.
 
Recently, someone came up to me on a plane to KL and looked rather shocked. He asked, 'How come a millionaire like you is traveling economy?' My reply was, 'That's why I am a millionaire. ' He still looked pretty confused.
 
This again confirms that greatest lie ever told about wealth (which I wrote about in my latest book 'Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires'). Many people have been brainwashed to think that millionaires have to wear Gucci, Hugo Boss, Rolex, and sit on first class in air travel. This is why so many people never become rich because the moment they earn more money, they think that it is only natural that they spend more, putting them back to square one.
 
The truth is that most self-made millionaires are frugal and only spend on what is necessary and of value. That is why they are able to accumulate and multiply their wealth so much faster.
 
Over the last 7 years, I have saved about 80% of my income while today I save only about 60% (because I have my wife, mother in law, 2 maids, 2 kids, etc. to support). Still, it is way above most people who save 10% of their income (if they are lucky).
 
I refuse to buy a first class ticket or to buy a $300 shirt because I think that it is a complete waste of money. However, I happily pay $1,300 to send my 2-year old daughter to Julia Gabriel Speech and Drama without thinking twice.
 
When I joined the YEO (Young Entrepreneur's Orgn) a few years back (YEO is an exclusive club open to those who are under 40 and make over $1m a year in their own business), I discovered that those who were self-made thought like me. Many of them with net worth well over $5 m, travelled economy class and some even drove Toyotas and Nissans, not Audis, Mercs, BMWs..
 
I noticed that it was only those who never had to work hard to build their own wealth (there were also a few ministers' and tycoons' sons in the club) who spent like there was no tomorrow. Somehow, when you did not have to build everything from scratch, you do not really value money. This is precisely the reason why a family's wealth (no matter how much) rarely lasts past the third generation
 
Thank God my rich dad foresaw this terrible possibility and refused to give me a cent to start my business.
 
Then some people ask me, 'What is the point in making so much money if you don't enjoy it?' The thing is that I don't really find happiness in buying branded clothes, jewellery or sitting first class. Even if buying something makes me happy it is only for a while, it does not last.
 
^Material happiness never lasts, it just gives you a quick fix*. After a while you feel lousy again and have to buy the next thing which you think will make you happy. I always think that if you need material things to make you happy, then you live a pretty sad and unfulfilled life..
 
Instead, what makes me happy is
when I see my children laughing and playing and learning so fast. 
What makes me happy is when I see my companies and trainers reaching more and more people every year in so many more countries.
 
What makes me really happy is when I read all the emails about how my books and seminars have touched and inspired someone's life.
 
What makes me really happy is reading all your wonderful posts about how this blog is inspiring you. This happiness makes me feel really good for a long time, much much more than what a Rolex would do for me.
 
I think the point I want to put across is that *happiness must come from doing your life's work (be it teaching, building homes, designing, trading, winning tournaments etc.)*and the money that comes is only a by-product.
 
Save this message to read it from time to time
 
THE POWER OF MONEY
 
VERY DOWN TO EARTH
VERY PRACTICAL
 
Should share with the children!

Tulia's Sad Story...

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Tulia went to school in the neighbouring village where she wasn't known well. For three weeks, she came to school late and every time the teacher punished her. On the fourth week, Tulia didn't attend school at all and many thought she had given up on school due to the everyday punishment. However, Tulia reported again on fifth week and this time she came earlier than everybody. When the teacher came to class, Tulia was punished for not attending school the previous week but the teacher was also kind enough to commend her for coming early that day, stating that the punishments had finally yielded some results. Just then, Tulia asked if she could say something and the teacher gave her permission. She started:- '' I've been raised up by a single mother without a brother or a sister. Five weeks ago, my mother got sick and was hospitalized. The three weeks I came late, I had to prepare something for her and pass by the hospital to deliver the same. Unfortunately, my mother passed on last week and the reason I didn't come to school. We buried her last Friday. Today I came early since I didn't have to prepare anything or even pass by the hospital. And now that she is gone, I will always be here early'' As she sat down, no one in the whole class was able to hold their tears, the teacher not spared. 
 
Lesson:
 
How many times do we judge and punish others for some sorts of lateness. When will you find a job? When will you move out? When will you get married? When will you get pregnant? .....and the list goes on. Do we attempt to understand their situations or we just judge from the 'best case scenarios' Some situations are not relative and what we think could be very far from the truth. 
 
God bless you.

A Call, to Become a Good Ugandan!

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A humble request to every Ugandan.
Kindly send this message to at least five persons and ask them to further send to more persons and keep the chain going...
 
๐Ÿ”– 1. Don't throw garbage on the roads/streets
๐Ÿ”– 2. Don't spit on roads and walls
๐Ÿ”– 3. Don't write on walls and currency notes
๐Ÿ”– 4. Don't abuse and insult others
๐Ÿ”– 5. Save water and electricity
๐Ÿ”– 6. Plant a tree
๐Ÿ”– 7. Follow traffic rules
๐Ÿ”– 8. Take care of your parents and grand parents, take their blessings and always respect them
๐Ÿ”– 9. Respect women
๐Ÿ”– 10. Give way to ambulances
 
๐ŸŽˆ We have to change ourselves and not the country. Once we change ourselves the Uganda will automatically change
๐Ÿ”Š If we want our kids to live in a clean and safe environment then pledge do follow these in youre everyday life.
๐ŸŽ™ No one person or leader can change the country alone; it's you and me who can change our beloved country by changing ourselves.
 
Kindly forward this important message to every single friend or group so that it reaches every citizen of Uganda.
 
Thanks

Oh, So-Called "Good Ol' Christian Days"?

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Take me back to the old Paths, when Moms were at home.
Dads were at work. 
Brothers went into the army.
And sisters got married BEFORE having  children!
Crime did not pay; Hard work did;
And people knew the difference.
 
Moms could cook; Dads would work; 
Children would behave...
Husbands were loving; Wives were supportive; and children were polite.
 
Women wore the dresses; and Men wore the trousers.
Women looked like ladies;Men looked like gentlemen; and children looked decent.
 
People loved the truth, and hated a lie;
They came to church to get IN, Not to get OUT!
 
Hymns sounded Godly; Sermons sounded helpful;
Rejoicing sounded normal; and crying sounded sincere.
Cursing was wicked; Drinking was evil; and divorce was unthinkable.
 
We read the Bible in public; Prayed in school; 
And preached from house to house.
To be called a Christian was worth living for;
To be called a traitor was a shame!
 
Sex was a personal word. Homosexual was an unheard of word, And abortion was an illegal word.
 
Preachers preached because they had a message; and
Christians rejoiced because they had the VICTORY!
 
Preachers preached from the Bible; 
Singers sang from the heart; 
Sinners turned to the Lord to be SAVED!
 
A new birth meant a new life; Salvation meant a changed life; 
Following Christ led to eternal life.
 
Being a preacher meant you proclaimed the word of God;
Being a deacon meant you would serve the Lord;
Being a Christian meant you would live for Jesus;
And being a sinner meant someone was praying for you!
 
Laws were based on the Bible; 
Homes read the Bible;
And churches taught the Bible.
 
Preachers were more interested in new converts than new clothes and new cars.
 
Church was where you found Christians on the Lord's day, rather than being entertained someway.
 
Give me that old time religion!
'Tis good enough for me!
 I still like the "Old Paths" best! Jeremiah 6:16.
 
Please will u 4ward this to ur generation maybe it will add meaning to someone's .
Pls Bless a soul today.

Engineers Can Prove Anything! Except this One...

Question: Prove that 0/0 = 2.

Answer: 

The post goes on to claim, "We are engineers, We can prove anything!"


Well, our "engineers" didn't succeed this time! In standard mathematics, division by 0 is undefined. To quote the usual suspect, Wikipeadia:

In ordinary arithmetic, the expression has no meaning, as there is no number which, multiplied by 0, gives a (assuming a≠0), and so division by zero is undefined. Since any number multiplied by zero is zero, the expression 0/0 also has no defined value; when it is the form of a limit, it is an indeterminate form.

So, luckily, my maths teachers survived being attacked early in the morning, for having beaten us many years ago, for trying to do things of this sort! 


Ekene's Mysterious Kitchen!

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Ekene is a house boy who drinks the wine of his boss and adds water 2 cover up.
His boss was suspicious and decided to buy pasties ( A french wine that change colour if u add water just like dettol)
Unknowingly Ekene drank from d pasties and top it with water as usual.
Sadly 4 him, immediately the pasties changes colour. When the boss came back and notice it, he told his wife abt it. Ekene knew he was in trouble and decided to stay at the kitchen.
The boss shouted "Ekene!!!"
Ekene answered.."Yes Sir!"
Boss.. "who drank the pasties?" 
Ekene: No ans
The boss ask again, still Ekene didn't answer. Then the boss went to the kitchen to meet him.
Boss:.."Are u insane or Wat? When i called u, u said yes sir,,, but when I ask u a question, u didn't ans me?
Ekene: "hmmm oga, when u are in the kitchen u dont hear anything except ur name."
Boss:.." let's try it. Okay go to the bar stand beside madam, while i will stay in the kitchen."
Ekene at the bar with his madam and his boss in the kitchen.
Ekene shouted: "Boss!!!" ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
Boss: "Yes!"
Ekene: "Who goes into the maid's bedroom when madam is not around?"
Boss:... No answer
Ekene ask again, still d boss kept quiet.
The boss came out from the kitchen shouting.. "Wonders shall never end!!! Ekene it is true. when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything except one's name".
The wife interrupted, "that's not true. It's a lie".
Without argument Ekene ask if she will enter the kitchen to be tested and she agreed.
Ekene: "Madam!!!"๐Ÿ˜ฎ
Madam:..."Yes!"
Ekene: .."Who is junior's biological father? Me or boss?" 
Madam rushed out of the kitchen saying ..."This kitchen needs to b checked, I can't hear anything"


For Men: The Wife Problem

Chapter Cover Art

Gudomorning of here
 
 
STRICTLY FOR MEN ONLY
 
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚
~By Lee Majors
 
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Al Gore
 
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Socrates 
 
Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Mike Tyson
 
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By George Clooney 
 
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿคฃ
 ~By Bill Clinton
 
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays."๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜‚ 
 ~By George W. Bush 
 
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Rudy Giuliani 
 
"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Donald Trump 
 
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜ค
 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. 
 ~By Shaquille O’Neal
 
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Kobe Bryant 
 
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By David Hasselhoff
 
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿคฃ
 ~By Alec Baldwin 
 
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Barack Obama 
 
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Tommy Lee
 
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters.  They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Brad Pitt
 
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive." ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿคฃ
 ~ By Jimmy Kimmel
 
“First there is the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes SuffeRing!๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Jay Leno
 
"The reason why wives live longer is because they don't have a Wife"๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜‚
 ~By Brandon Breezy
 
Forward this to all the guys to give them a good laugh .......and to the ladies with good sense of humor who can handle it!!!!!!!๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€

"Oh Racism!", says Mugabe!

Chapter Cover Art

Racism will never end as long as white cars are stil using black tyres. 
Racism will never end if people still use black to symbolise bad luck and white for peace.
Racism will never end if people still wear white clothes to weddings and black clothes to funerals.
Racism will never end as long as those who don't pay their bills are blacklisted not white listed.
Even when playing Pool, You haven't won until you've sunk the black ball, and the white ball must remain on the table.   
But I don't care, as long as I'm still using white toilet paper to wipe my black ass I'm happy.

Behaviours of Girls in their Districts in Uganda

  1. Masaka girls.... They fear to talk English.
  2. Mbarara girls.... Talkatives they can talk without breathing and are always very fat..
  3. Rukungiri girls..... They like beans and rice more thany money..
  4. Mbale girls... They are Blessed with pimples..
  5. Iganga girls..... Addicted to sex..
  6. Jinja girls..... They Urinate in bed while sleeping
  7. Hoima girls.... They are short and ugly.
  8. Lira girls..... They hustle for Bush meat e.g wild pigs, wild hens(endahi), e.t.c..
  9. Mukono girls... Young talented farmers and night dancers..
  10. Wakiso girls.... They have mastered the art of all styles in sex..
  11. Kabale girls... They eat more than their heights, and if you break her heart, she can kill you with her bare hands.
  12. Gulu girls...... Hard working
  13. Arua girls.. Always walk bear footed..
  14. Kisoro gals..... Just buy them soda and bread they will follow you everywhere you go, like MTN..
  15. Mubende girls.. They don't know how to cook..
  16. Luwero girls. ..They are very lazy and main cause of our problems in Uganda.
  17. Bugerere girls.. Balina obutaala amaalo kinemye okwogera mu luzungu.. hahah๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„
  18. Toro girls.. They drink alcohol more than men..
  19. Kampala girls.... They are Always pretty and materialistic, one night stand..
  20. Entebbe girls... They can cook well over the weekend marriages. 
 
Byebivude mu research ya lero
๐Ÿ’ป๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ—ž๐Ÿ“‘โœ
๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Tips for People between 50 and Death.

 
 
It’s time to use the money you saved up. Use it and enjoy it.  Don’t just keep it for those who may have no notion of the sacrifices you made to get it. Remember there is nothing more dangerous than a son or daughter-in-law with big ideas for your hard-earned capital. Warning: This is also a bad time for investments, even if it seems wonderful or fool-proof. They only bring problems and worries. This is a time for you to enjoy some peace and quiet.
 
Stop worrying about the financial situation of your children and grandchildren, and don’t feel bad spending your money on yourself. You’ve taken care of them for many years, and you’ve taught them what you could. You gave them an education, food, shelter and support. The responsibility is now theirs to earn their own money.
 
Keep a healthy life, without great physical effort. Do moderate exercise (like walking every day), eat well and get your sleep. It’s easy to become sick, and it gets harder to remain healthy. That is why you need to keep yourself in good shape and be aware of your medical and physical needs. Keep in touch with your doctor, do tests even when you’re feeling well. Stay informed.
 
Always buy the best, most beautiful items for your significant other. The key goal is to enjoy your money with your partner. One day one of you will miss the other, and the money will not provide any comfort then, enjoy it together.
 
 Don’t stress over the little things. You’ve already overcome so much in your life. You have good memories and bad ones, but the important thing is the present. Don’t let the past drag you down and don’t let the future frighten you. Feel good in the now. Small issues will soon be forgotten.
 
Regardless of age, always keep love alive. Love your partner, love life, love your family, love your neighbor and remember: “A man is not old as long as he has intelligence and affection.”
 
Be proud, both inside and out. Don’t stop going to your hair salon or barber, do your nails, go to the dermatologist and the dentist, keep your perfumes and creams well stocked. When you are well-maintained on the outside, it seeps in, making you feel proud and strong.
 
Don’t lose sight of fashion trends for your age, but keep your own sense of style. There’s nothing worse than an older person trying to wear the current fashion among youngsters. You’ve developed your own sense of what looks good on you – keep it and be proud of it. It’s part of who you are.
 
ALWAYS stay up-to-date. Read newspapers, watch the news. Go online and read what people are saying. Make sure you have an active email account and try to use some of those social networks. You’ll be surprised what old friends you’ll meet. 
 
Respect the younger generation and their opinions. They may not have the same ideals as you, but they are the future, and will take the world in their direction. Give advice, not criticism, and try to remind them that yesterday’s wisdom still applies today.
 
Never use the phrase: “In my time.” Your time is now. As long as you’re alive, you are part of this time. 
 
Some people embrace their golden years, while others become bitter and surly. Life is too short to waste your days on the latter. Spend your time with positive, cheerful people, it’ll rub off on you and your days will seem that much better. Spending your time with bitter people will make you feel older and harder to be around.
 
Do not surrender to the temptation of living with your children or grandchildren (if you have a financial choice, that is). Sure, being surrounded by family sounds great, but we all need our privacy. They need theirs and you need yours.  Even then, do so only if you feel you really need the help or do not want to live  by yourself 
 
Don’t abandon your hobbies. If you don’t have any, make new ones. You can travel, hike, cook, read, dance. You can adopt a cat or a dog, grow a kitchen  garden, play cards, checkers, chess, dominoes, golf. 
 
Try to go. Get out of the house, meet people you haven’t seen in a while, experience something new (or something old). The important thing is to leave the house from time to time. Go to museums, go walk through a park. Get out there.
 
Speak in courteous tones and try not to complain or criticize too much unless you really need to. Try to accept situations as they are. 
 
Pain and discomfort go hand in hand with getting older. Try not to dwell on them but accept them as a part of the life.
 
If you’ve been offended by someone – forgive them. If you’ve offended someone - apologize. Don’t drag around resentment with you. It only serves to make you sad and bitter. It doesn’t matter who was right. Someone once said: “Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Don’t take that poison. Forgive, forget and move on with your life.
 
Laugh. Laugh away your worries  Remember, you are one of the lucky ones. You managed to have a life, a long one. Many never get to this age, never get to experience a full life. But you did. 
God be praised
Now is the time to be at peace and as happy as you can be!
 
May you live long and prosper in good health.......
 Amen ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ

Check what Caryn sayth...



Do you know what real passion is? Love is being stupid together.
I want to do crazy things with you!
Let’s stay all day in bed or hang out anywhere you want!
Let’s live next day being totally happy!